Hannon Library to include Video Piracy as Part of Online Catalog

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Hannon Library announced that they will be adopting illegal video piracy streaming sites as part of their online catalog. The existing licensed video streaming resources ‘Swank Digital Campus’ and ‘Kanopy Streaming’ as well as complementary on-campus student access to HBO will be discontinued for due to their irrelevance.

Always one to innovate in ground-breaking ways, LMU will use this opportunity as a cost-cutting measure to the annual tuition hikes. Junior vice president of marketing and communication Macy Piesch explains that “the website administrators were so excited by the prospect of their first-ever academic endorsement that they offered free ad-space for every 100th page under their domain. Now online marketing will generate more daily traffic than it would previously receive in a month. Why didn’t we get into the dark web sooner?”

Due to these sites’ popularity in most countries with internet access, the LMU Admission Office commented that they could expect an uptick in international applications within the next five years. Ads for LMU as the “Pacific Pirate University” now adorn the site walls accessible in the LibGuide.

Campus ministry officials were too busy illegally streaming "Passion of the Christ" as to comment on whether this sanctioning of white-collar criminal activity stands in sharp contrast to LMU’s Jesuit mission.

The Library’s Tech on 2 Help Desk hasn’t expressed concern about the projected rise of piracybased virus concern they will face. “It’s an open secret that students go onto these sites anyway,” junior computer science major and Tech on 2 worker Julie Assange said. “At least now, we’ll be able to give support to all their laptop’s viruses without jumping through hoops first. I now feel like I work at an Apple genius bar.”

Hannon’s announcement was accompanied by the posting of a video tutorial going through the step by step process of how to access the piracy links. Although the computer playing the tutorial crashed and was rebooted mid-presentation, donors in the audience saw the demonstration as a success. The lineup of guest speakers who’ve accepted their invitations will be given out once it is unencrypted.